Sunday, October 22, 2017

Halloween special :Book of ultimate evil- food fight I can find it


On a gloomy and darkened day,
I took a trip to get away
Down a road of asphalty stone
into a thrift store, full of the unknown.
It was there on the shelf amongst calvin and hobbes
that I found a book that made my head throb
"How?" I wondered.
"Why" I thought.
Upon my checking out with the stores wares,
the shopkeep gave me a happy stare.
"Why, it's just like the waldo books!"
I frowned sadly and my head shook.
"Not exactly, Not quite"
She got a look of fright.
I began to tell the story of the foodfight franchise when she said:
"Look, dude... Do you want the book or not?"
I paid and got out.

Yes indeedy, Foodfight! Never heard of it? That's okay. I hadn't heard of it until a year or two ago when I saw a review by nostalgia critic. Go ahead, watch it... Get all caught up with us. Not going to? It's got a bad reputation despite having a decent voice acting cast and an incredibly high budget.

I've had the privilege (What word is the opposite of privilege?) of watching this movie (Along with Sausage party) and found it to be frightfully bad. Not even campy, just bad.
If you've never heard of it, here's a quick history... But really, it's just something you have to experience on your own.
One day, a film company decided it wanted to make a movie about grocery store items, so they went to several different corporate sponsors and asked if they wanted to have their licensed images used in a movie. Time passed and the project had difficulties getting off the ground. 10 years later, the movie finally got made as cheaply as possible. The End.

The fact that they made a book about it is odd. Anyways, let's take a look at the book. (Upon writing this, I see they also made a sound book. Let's hope I don't find a copy of it...)

Try not to stare at it for too long or you'll begin to question your sanity.
This book is just like all the other "Find this" books like Where's Waldo or I Spy books, but there's just something unsettling, No one asked for this book to exist. Or at least I don't think they did... I feel like the board meeting went with one person pitching the book to a room full of blank stares and people texting each other "Is this guy serious?" One filibuster later, everyone agreed that they could go free if the book was made.

Upon opening the book, I see the souls of the damned cry out, yearning to be released from their book hell. And the gist of the book:

This is it, a weak "Where's Waldo" type of thing. The items you're looking for aren't even that well hidden. I mean, I know it's a kid's book, but even the waldo books tried.
Foodfight facists.
Again, This book makes so many more questions about this entire franchise. 
Question 1: WHY?
Question 2: What did they have on all the actors that gave their voices? 
Question 3: Is this something that they just don't ever talk about again? Does Wayne Brady ever get a phone call from Hilary Duff at 3AM  crying about the nightmares? Do they just not have it on their resume? 

And finally Question 4- What should I do with the book?
Answer: Make it so the book will never do harm again.
I can't do anything about the movie... Sorry.

Stay Tuned!